Hartmann: Take Our 2022 News Quiz

How much do you remember from 2022?

Dec 28, 2022 at 6:00 am
click to enlarge Eric Greitens and a paramilitary goon squad prepare to break into an empty house in Greitens memorable 2022 campaign ad.
Eric Greitens and a paramilitary goon squad prepare to break into an empty house in Greitens memorable 2022 campaign ad.

How much do you remember from 2022?

This year brought some wild news stories, but were you paying attention? Test your knowledge of this year's news cycle with our annual quiz.

Grading Scale:
10 correct answers: You need to find something other than the RFT to read.
8-9: You're probably a radical socialist who hates America.
6-7: You haven't lost your touch since high school.
1-5: It's cool. This is all Fake News.
0: This quiz was a conspiracy to destroy your mind. You got us.

1. Mark McCloskey only received 3 percent of the vote in the 2022 Republican Senate primary, and he got that solely because he once pointed guns at peaceful Black Lives Matters protesters. He would have fared better with this RFT descriptive as his campaign theme:

A) "Rippling beefcake Mark McCloskey"
B) "The man in sweatpants covered with suspiciously sexy white stains"
C) "The Hot Buff Candidate"
D) "One Hot Piece of Ass"
E) All of the above

2. Unknown candidate Katherine Pinner shocked St. Louis County by winning the Republican primary for county executive. Which of these did she NOT do?

A) Compare wearing COVID-19 masks to Satanism
B) Sue RFT for its headline saying she "does the hokey pokey"
C) State that COVID vaccines contain microchips for tracking purposes
D) Suggest that a "secret sauce" produced her upset of state Representative Shamed Dogan
E) Say she's staying in the race "to uphold my commitment to God, to myself, and to the voters" — and immediately drop out

3. After his conviction on bribery charges, former Alderman John Collins-Muhammad argued that he should be able to keep the $19,500 in bribes he received because:

A) They were "an investigative cost"
B) They were covered under the state's Finders Keepers law
C) Inflation has made prison commissary costs unbearable
D) He thought humor would soften up the judge
E) "It's not fair! All the other aldermen get to keep their bribes."

4. The RFT described it as "The Most Batshit Senate Race in History." Which of the following did NOT happen?

A) Eric Greitens cocked a shotgun and threatened to go "RINO hunting" of his political opponents.
B) Eric Schmitt lit a blowtorch and threatened to take it to "Joe Biden's socialist agenda."
C) Vicky Hartzler lit a bonfire and proposed burning all LGBTQ+ people as witches.
D) Bat World Sanctuary demanded that RFT apologize for slandering bats.
E) D, but maybe C and D

5. What does "Rhubarb" mean in St. Louis?

A) A bench-clearing brawl at a Cardinals game
B) A St. Louis County Council meeting
C) St. Louis' French spelling of "Barb Street"
D) A pie filling that's also a vegetable, which seems weird
E) The name of the coolest ginger monkey ever, born September 30 at the Saint Louis Zoo

6. "We've had someone get very sick, get very altered and confused." What was the chief of medical toxicology at Barnes-Jewish Hospital referring to?

A) The ninth inning of the Cardinals' opening Wild Card game
B) Governor Mike Parson explaining why he signed a bill promoting Ivermectin
C) Ivermectin poisoning
D) MAGA poisoning
E) An RFT staff meeting

7. After Missouri voters legalized recreational marijuana, the RFT's Daniel Hill called for criminalizing weed culture. What was his best suggestion?

A) Outlawing "Interstate 420" shirts
B) Outlawing "Blacklight posters covered in pot leaves and aliens and shit"
C) Outlawing "any bong sporting a depiction of, say, a glassy-eyed Rick fist-bumping a stoned Morty"
D) Outlawing white guys in dreadlocks telling "how all the world's problems could be solved if everyone just took a toke, bro"
E) What was the question?

8. Which news item from February didn't age all that well?

A) Alderman Jeffrey Boyd tweets: "Could it save taxpayers money if criminals were caned and let go rather than jail?"
B) Centene announces a 15-year deal for naming rights for the MLS stadium.
C) Governor Mike Parson calls for criminal prosecution of a Post-Dispatch reporter whose work may have spared 100,000 Missouri teachers from having their Social Security numbers exposed by the state.
D) Trudy Busch Valentine releases "cringeworthy" campaign song that "rhymes Trudy with Missouri."
E) All but D (wasn't in February)

9. Kia/Hyundai made news in St. Louis when:

A) Their engineers were contracted by the city to design cell-door locks for the jails
B) Their engineers were fired by the city for having designed cell-door locks for the jails
C) Mayor Tishaura Jones threatened to sue them because their cars are so easy to steal
D) They came to St. Louis to film "We're a Smashing Success" ad campaign after thieves crashed their stolen cars into buildings all over the region
E) The company unsuccessfully tried to hire Fredbird for its "Who Needs Keys?" ad campaign after learning he has no pockets

10. When Centene pulled out for naming rights for the new MLS stadium, RFT became the first St. Louis media outlet to describe the new home as "the electrocuted stadium" — followed up by some fantastic naming-rights suggestions. What happened next?

A) A ginormous RFT ad buy was placed by Enterprise Leasing.
B) Ameren threatened to sue RFT for stealing its proprietary trade names "Big Wet Electricity Park" and "Dark Park."
C) Centene announced that the RFT's "Medicaid Overbilling Park" idea was the last straw and that it would leave St. Louis forever because of it.
D) Ghosts didn't laugh at "The Revenge of Mill Creek Stadium" idea.
E) Not a single thing. But they should still go with "Stan Kroenke Stadium – because it sucks, get it?"

Answer key:1E; 2B; 3A; 4E; 5E; 6C; 7E; 8E; 9C; 10E

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