When it comes to dumb criminals, badly behaving public officials and embarrassing shenanigans, St. Louis punches well above its weight — and the RFT rarely misses a chance to document it.
Some of these stories are appalling. Some are horrifying. Some are even funny. But they're all true, and that might be the wildest thing of all.
Read on for the wildest stories we covered in 2023 — and try not to weep.
The Wildest St. Louis News Stories of 2023
By Riverfront Times Staff on Thu, Dec 28, 2023 at 12:34 pm
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78-year-old bank robber Bonnie Gooch missed a court date in July — apparently because she’d died. Authorities say Gooch had been robbing banks since the 1970s. A few months before her death, she made her final heist, passing a teller a note that read, “Is is a robbery I need 13,000 small bills no! dye pack!" She added, "thank you sorry I didn’t mean to scare you,” like any nice Grandma would. RIP, Bonnie the bank robber.
Read the full story here.
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CITY JUSTICE CENTER
Two men tried to rob the flying saucer Starbucks. But this is St. Louis, and we don’t take that kind of shit here, especially from a boy from Potosi. They got beat up instead — and one was detained by customers and staff until the cops arrived.
Read the full story here.
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Courtesy St. Louis County PD
A Missouri man escaped from prison and spent the day exploring St. Louis (he even had a near-miss witih Sheriff Vernon Betts in Tower Grove Park). Escaped convicts being what passes for celebrity in St. Louis these days, he also apparently took a selfie with someone.
Read the full story here.
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COURTESY BAR:PM STAFF
Heard the one about the cops who crashed into an LGBTQ bar in south city — and then arrested the co-owner for felony assault? Only in St. Louis.
Read the full story here.
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Courtesy William Goldstein
Three Missouri men allegedly enslaved one of the men’s cousins, a college student from India — and beat him on a livestream. Now they face a litany of criminal charges.
Read the full story here.
(This photo shared by defense attorney William Goldstein shows Venkatesh Sattaru, second to right, the alleged ringleader in the abuse, standing next to the alleged 20-year-old victim in the case [wearing the red and blue button down] and four other individuals.)5 of 38
SCREENSHOT
Marcellis Blackwell, 34, an officer with the North County Police Cooperative, was busted for allegedly fondling eight different arrestees while they were handcuffed. He’s since been fired and is facing criminal charges.
Read the full story here.
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ST. LOUIS COUNTY JAIL
Who was that terrorizing parents and school kids at a Kirkwood trunk or treat? It couldn’t possibly be the son of famously tough on crime former St. Louis County Prosecuting Attorney Bob McCulloch, could it? Oh, it could indeed.
Read the full story here.
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GOOGLE SCREENSHOT
And is it possible that McCulloch terrorized people days before he snapped? Oh, it’s possible alright.
Read the full story here.
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COURTESY OF ST. AMBROSE
How’s this for a strange story? Those crazy St. Louis Catholics somewhat got their hand on St. Louis’ holy toe. It’s 753 years old, apparently. Wild.
Read the full story here.
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COURTESY SLMPD
A St. Louis woman was charged with helping facilitate the murder of the repo man who took back her vehicle. All over a Jeep Cherokee?
Read the full story here.
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Courtesy SLMPD
A Pagedale man shot his son’s football coach at practice, in front of the kids, all over a dispute about playing time. Shameful.
Read the full story here.
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A man connected with the Proud Boys accused of rape? You don’t say.
Read the full story here.
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Courtesy SLMPD
A St. Louis woman was finally charged a full year after attacking the porch of a Latino family with a hammer. The charges apparently lingered in a “non-urgent” box at the St. Louis Circuit Attorney’s Office because that’s how we do things in St. Louis, apparently. Or at least did.
Read the full story here.
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CHRISTIAN GOODEN, ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH POOL PHOTO
Speaking of that lack of urgency at the Circuit Attorney’s Office, ever heard the one about the much-lauded would-be progressive prosecutor who was actually enrolled in a nursing program even as her office fell to pieces? No? It was definitely a thing in 2023.
Read the full story here.
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BRADEN MCMAKIN
Speaking of lack of urgency overall, the St. Louis Board of Aldermen finally passed a new rule stopping members from being counted as present and/or voting while driving. About time!
Read the full story here.
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SCREENSHOT
Swindlers were busted in the parking lot of an O’Fallon Target after targeting an elderly local — but by that point, they’d ripped him off to the tune of $120,000 and were just there for another $144,000.
Read the full story here.
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SCREENSHOT VIA YOUTUBE
Rising star raunchy rapper Sexyy Red performed at Hazelwood Central High school — yes, high school. Unsurprisingly, things got a little nuts.
Read the full story here.
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Screengrab via YouTube
Sexyy Red also announced she loves Trump. Girl, you’re from St. Louis!
Read the full story here.
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TIM BOMMEL | MISSOURI HOUSE COMMUNICATIONS
Once-seemingly mainstream Missouri Democrat Representative Sarah Unsicker shared lemonade with an alt-right troll, started engaging in bizarre theories involving her Jewish opponents being foreign agents and destroyed her political career in less than two weeks. Whew!
Read the full story here.
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Screengrab via KY3 YouTube
Missouri Pastor Rick Morrow claimed he knew just the cure for autism — casting out the demons that cause it.
Read the full story here.
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